I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
