; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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