At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want to have your abortion
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
