guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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