how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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