i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
