if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
