your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
