we have pet lesbian snakes
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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