If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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