I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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