I've blown a few things in my day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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