My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
