what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
