There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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