do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
