He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
