the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pants are for mortals
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
