I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
