why didn't you poke me back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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