last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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