just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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