Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
