i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
soo... how was my night?
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