I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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