Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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