i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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