eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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