We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
