She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
