I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
