Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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