I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
