First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
