My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
