I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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