I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
