the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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