U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
