Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
time to smoke my breakfast
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize