I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
