Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
