my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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