It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
did i walk over a car last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
