I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
