He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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