She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
