This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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