cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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