Buhtt sex?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
