When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
