i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize