is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize