DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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