I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
