were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
