and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
