Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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