and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
