i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
