Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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