my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
